I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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