somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
