And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would ride that face into the sunset
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
