Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
