the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
