Your dad touched me again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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