if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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