I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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