omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
