Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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