3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you had me at cake vodka
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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