Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
