No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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