Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
