I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
