you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
