I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
