Where are you?
In a non slutty way
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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