Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
