Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
