I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
