Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
