My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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