i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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