went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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