Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
