I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
