Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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