the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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