literally had 100 drinks last night.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
