I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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