I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
