Your face is a jimmy john
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
