Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
