she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
