one word: firstdatebathroomanal
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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