If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
