im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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