HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
