i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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