idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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