Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize