dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
