My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
