this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
high people should be assigned attendants
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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