Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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