Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
NoShamevember. You game?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
