Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
