my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
