bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize