i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my liver is dry heaving
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
