oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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