my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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