We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
