Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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