all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
