You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
