do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
