I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
