FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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