Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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