Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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