I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
