apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He better not be in your backpack
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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