So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
