There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
