Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
