I got chris browned last night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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