drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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