toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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