be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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