When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
