..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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