in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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