This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
