Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
