come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
