my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
