Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
