I just threw up on my dentist
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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