i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
not ubering you a puppy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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