i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
