My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
