Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize