I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
