its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
