There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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