My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
