you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
