you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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