She said her name was "party"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
