My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
