go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
