pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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