I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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