you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
