I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
