My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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